Can I have Rs.51, please?
Parag Rastogi questions society’s priorities

The easiest job of our times seems to be that of cynic. Anyone and everyone sits on their well-fed, comfortable and properly vaccinated behinds and criticises all that is wrong with the world today – nuclear weapons, terrorism, the rise of extremism (as if that is a 21st century concept), greater social acceptance of many social ‘evils,’ the Big Mac, environmental pollution and Ms. Britney Spears’ wailing (which we are force-fed as the music of today).

In the context of the events that have shaken our nation recently and greatly upset the world, let’s pick up a topic we’ve all read everywhere: I, for one, fail to understand the concept of religious harmony or the lack of it. As in Hindu-Muslim, Arab-Jew, Shia-Sunni or Rasta-Scientologist. This topic is a favourite with all modern critics. They spare no words in the dictionary in describing how, today, millions are killing each other in the name of religion. We all know that happens, and we also know that it isn’t a new thing. Since man thought of God, man killed for him. I use this sentence knowing its full implications. I firmly believe that God is a creation of man and not the other way round. And since I have not been struck by a bolt of lightning, I’m sure that if there is a dude up there, he doesn’t mind what I just said.

Which is what brings me to the bone of my argument (sorry for the animal imagery, but the lack of chicken is getting to me). When the images of Hindu gods and goddesses are used on bikinis, some zealous Hindu society decides to take it upon itself to avenge the ‘sin’. If hard-hitting cartoons on Prophet Mohammed show up, lakhs of men in long beards and sunglasses come out and burn a few embassies – killing innocent people in the process. These same men, in both cases, will go back and stare over lurid pictures of worldly ‘goddesses’ in bikinis or less, beat their wives, cheat a customer, pilfer money from government funds and so on. Aren’t they then hurting the religious sensibilities of devout Hindus and Muslims? Should those who live by Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha or Ram’s exhortations for honesty, love, equality and service to all, gang up and shoot these merchants of idols and madarsas? Let’s say that those who abuse Guru Nanak or debase the Quran Sharif or use the images of goddess Durga to sell beer have done wrong. Let’s say they have ‘sinned’. Let all the faithful get together and stone these blasphemers. And, I almost forgot to add, let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone. I think Lord Jesus captured the essence of our percepton of human morality perfectly there – everyone’s a saint until they get caught.

Most of us have a religion, whose tenets we freely follow in our private lives. We all make our mistakes and we forgive ourselves or get others to forgive us and move on. Why is it that matters we hold so close to our heart be brought out and beaten about in public? Can’t I do what I want in privacy and you do what you want? Do we necessarily have to come out and first smash each other’s heads open and then hug each other closely to make up? Matters of faith and divinity are best kept private, because in public they are hijacked by Messrs Yaqoob Qureshi, Bin Laden, Praveen Togadia, Cesar Borgia or Bhindranwale.

The world has never been a very peaceful place anyway. Extremists come and go. Theocrats rise and fall. Tin-pot dictatorships melt and walls are swallowed up by sand dunes. I, for one, will live the way I want. Regardless of whether you burn my Quran Sharif or desecrate my gurudwara. Because, in case most of these representatives of the several gods that seem to rule the earth haven’t noticed, I have better things to do than burn embassies because someone insulted a great man. I have more pressing issues on my hands. Like the millions of people who face sure and deadly starvation, or the thousands raped and murdered every day, or the many who are dying of AIDS, or the countless who do not have jobs. Yes, Mr. Yaqoob Qureshi, minister in the UP government, there are at least a thousand children in your constituency who sleep hungry every night. I am sure you can raise Rs.51 crore to kill an obscure cartoonist. But could you also spare Rs.51 so that I can buy rotis and blankets for one such child?

Just for Laughs
Sourced from the Internet

• When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

• Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

• Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn’t find anyone to copy it from.

• When people talk to God, it’s called prayer. When God talks back, it’s called schizophrenia.

• Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

• Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

• Caution: I drive like you do.

• What the hell do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

• Out of my mind; back in five minutes.

• I haven’t reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.

• Commander Data, when I said ‘Fire at Will,’ I assumed you wouldn’t have been so literal.

• Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.” - Carl Friedrich Gauss, when informed that his wife was dying.

• I told my wife she should treat me like a fine wine..... She locked me in a dark cellar....

• I got kicked out of Barnes and Noble once for moving all the Bibles into the fiction section.

• “He took a duck to the face at two hundred and fifty knots”.

• Fatal Error: Size of thought exceeds available memory.

• My problems all started with my early education. I went to a school for mentally disturbed teachers.

• Paco’s Bean Barn & Service Station - “Eat here and get gas.”